CAUSES OF FAILED MARRIAGES

Marriage is a legal union of a man and a woman, usually founded on love. Some people say it is an institution where you get admitted but never graduate. I think they are right because marriage is ordained to last as long as
any of the parties is still alive.

I believe marriage should be enjoyed, not endured. Your partner should complement you in all ramifications, and not otherwise. He/she should help you become better than he/she met you. When God made Eve out of Adam in the Bible, Adam became happier, productive and better. That's what marriage should be.

It is very unfortunate that the reverse is the case in most marriages today. The rate of divorce is on the increase. Then I ask, what actually was the foundation of such marriages in the first place? It is definitely not love because love doesn't fade away (my opinion). A marriage that is founded on material gain, personal interest, fame (name them) is very likely to fail because the building block is too weak to carry the weight of the marriage. Marriage built on material gain cannot stand the weight of trying periods but love can withstand whatever weight a marriage may project along the line.

I do not deny the fact that maintaining a happy marriage is a difficult thing to achieve. The emphasis is that when the foundation is weak and the parties are not ready to make sacrifices, then a failed marriage is inevitable.

What can cause a failed marriage? Here are the major causes of broken marriages:

Wrong foundation 
As I said earlier, a marriage is built on faulty foundation if the partners married because of material gain, fame, parental influence, ethnic/tribal similarity. None of the above reasons can equate to love; which last for ever.

Infidelity 
Infidelity is very destructive. In fact, it is the only reason the Bible says a couple can separate. It exposes a marriage to a lot of dangers some of which are STDS and polygamy. I don't intend to spite those in polygamous marriage in any way after all, some people intentionally chose it, but the truth is that some polygamous marriages today are as a result of infidelity. 

Poor or no communication 
Your partner is supposed to be your best friend and soul mate whom you confide in all the time. No one would like to put up with a partner who doesn't share his/her feelings, hubby, plans, investments, etc for a long time. A marriage that is devoid of jokes, plays, healthy arguments and love messages is not elastic enough, and a little misunderstanding can push it to a breaking point. 

Unsubmissive wife
We are in the age where women combine house chores with their careers. That is the ideal thing; being a full time house wife is a no no. But the unfortunate thing is that some of us have allowed ego to mar our marriages. No matter how you debate it, God made man head of the family; heads in all aspects (corporate bodies, enterprises, financial institutions, government parastatals, etc) are honoured. That doesn't mean wives should be slaves or servants to their husbands, after all, in a kingdom, the king and the queen have their authorities. There will be no queen without a king. No man can tolerate an unsubmissive wife for a long time.

Bad company 
Bad companies have bad influence on marriages. A bad friend will see no reason why you should tell your wife your whereabouts, investments or allow her knowledge of your financial status. A bad friend will see no reason why you should apologise to your partner especially when you did no wrong but for peace to reign in your home. A bad friend will see no reason why you should still respect your husband at a time when you are the bread winner of the family because your man lost his job. Bad companies do more harm than good to marriages, so beware.

Undue interference by relatives 
In my place, it's believed that when you get married to a man, his relatives are inclusive as well (ofu onye anaghi alu nwaanyi). But that doesn't mean the relatives should always interfer in your affairs. It is necessary to point out here that they play a vital role in conflict resolution (that's if you are still at the baby stage of requiring a third party to reconcile you whenever you have an issue), but they should not tell any of you how to run your home. No woman is happy when her husband's relatives are the ones who determine she lives with her husband . Also no man wants a wife who always runs to her family for ideas on how to deal with her husband. Please do keep them at bay because if you can't maintain your immediate family (you and your husband), you can't maintain the extended one either.

Childlessness 
I must confess that childlessness is a VERY  TRYING Issue in a marriage. It takes the grace of God for couples who intend having kids but couldn't because of one problem or the other to stay put, especially if the problem is with the woman. It is a problem I wish it never happens to any marriage. Unfortunately, this is the area where even marriages founded on love find it uneasy to cope. Children are gifts from God, and when they do not come through, please stay put and support each other. Befriend God like never before for miracles are still happening till date.

Of course, these are not the only causes of failed marriages but I believe they are the major ones. Have I not included other causes that you know? Please feel free to add yours through the comments box. You can also share your experience with us, you never can tell whom it will help. God bless your marriages.

Best wishes
Stella 

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Maintaining a Sweet Relationship - Part 1
Maintaining a Sweet Relationship - Part 2
Maintaining a Sweet Relationship - Part 3