Tuesday, 23 September 2014


Being successful in relationships demands a lot of preparations and investments. I dedicate this article to the married especially those whose marriages are shaky. For your relationship to be a sweet one, you need to get acquainted with the following:

There is no Miss or Mr right
We all have our weaknesses. So, if you are looking for a Miss or Mr right, I'm sorry you may search for eternity. Appreciate the qualities you like
about your partner and work on the unpleasant ones. 

It demands a lot of compromise 
You must be ready to compromise; you must not always have your way for that's selfishness, and no one wants to be with a selfish individual.

Generalisation based on gender leads to visualisation of the wrong picture of the gender of discourse
What is that supposed to mean? If you are of the view that all men are cheats, in every man, you will definitely detect infidelity even though it may not actually be what you think. When your partner tells you, "honey, I'm sorry I will come back a little bit late tonight because there is a business meeting I need to attend". Your mind will quickly bring up the stored view you have about men, and the conclusion in your mind will be, "you think I don't get it; you are checking out with your mistress". You may give your consent to his excuse but within you, you don't believe his reason. The problem is with the generalisation you have about men. "But that's the kind of excuses most men give whenever they want to cheat, so I have every reason to suspect him", you said? "Most" refers to a number of men not all, and so your man deserves a benefit of doubt. By the way, how are you sure that your partner falls into the category of most men who cheat on their wives, and not the "very few" who cheat not? I leave that to you.

What about men who are of the view that women have "fish brain"? When I see such comment, I laugh it off because there is no field of human endeavour that you will not see women at very demanding positions. I then ask myself, can someone with "fish brain" competently hold these posts and still deliver? I also leave that to you.

So what am I saying in essence, there should not be generalisation based on gender in relationships.

Keep your profession out of your marriage
I can remember during my one year compulsory  IT programme with the bank, there was this elderly customer that was close to me. One day he came to my office full of joy. I inquired what the excitement was for. He said, "Estie, I and my wife are very happy because our first son was retained after his one year national youth service programme in an oil company where he served." Wow!" was my response. I didn't end there; I seized the opportunity to ask him this question, "Sir, it seems you have a lovely family, what's the secret?". He said, "you see, I am a barrister while my wife is a lecturer. I don't relate with my wife as a lawyer neither does she relate with me as a university lecturer. We relate with each other as best friends, soul mates, better halves. We keep our profession out of our marriage, and we don't regret doing so". Hmmm... When I finally settled down with my love in 2012, we applied their style and it has been working for us. We are best friends, soul mates not master and servant.

It has both sweet and bitter taste
Yes, in marriage, sometimes you smile and sometimes also you cry. Those best of friends couples you see in the beach, eateries, clubs, malls are not always in that mood; there are sometimes they feel like calling it a quit. My Mum would always say, "all couples quarrel but the ones you heard their voices are the quarrelsome type". What matters most is that you are able to reconcile your differences at the end, preferably not in court. Learn to forgive each other and forget the issue for good.  Here is the part 2 of this article.

Best wishes

No comments:

Post a Comment